If you've been ruminating over a career decision, turning it over at 3am, relitigating it with anyone who'll listen, this is for you.

Not because you're doing something wrong.

But because there's a reason the thinking isn't resolving it.

And it probably isn't what you think.

Claire had been offered the chance to apply for an internal VP role.

It should have felt straightforward.

She was ready for the step up.

The role was a good one.

But she couldn't settle on it.

If she applied and got it, she'd be committing to at least two more years at this company.

With those people.

In that culture.

Was she ready for that?

Sleepless nights.

Entire weekends consumed.

Conversations going in circles with friends, family and everyone she trusted.

She came to coaching after two weeks of getting nowhere.

In our first session, we didn't discuss the gritty details of the role at all.

We went underneath it.

One question cut through everything:

"Am I worried about the role itself — or what staying at this company long-term means for me?"

The role sounded fine.

Great, even.

The company?

That was the real question.

It had been there all along, buried under two weeks of circling on her own and with friends.

She had clarity within 20 minutes.

Two weeks of mental energy.

Sleepless nights.

Weekends lost.

Not solving the problem — just circling it.

Here's what Claire told me afterwards:

"I got more clarity in one hour with you than in two weeks of thinking and talking about it — even with people I know love me."

Rumination keeps you stuck not because you're thinking about the wrong things.

But because you're thinking alone, or with people who can't set aside their own hopes long enough to help you find yours.

A conversation with someone who has genuinely no stake in your decision cuts through differently.

It doesn't tell you what to do.

It helps you hear what you already know and then holds you to acting on it.

There's one more thing worth saying.

The two weeks Claire spent going in circles weren't wasted.

They were telling her something.

The fact that a straightforward career question wouldn't settle, that was a signal, intuition, information.

It pointed to something deeper that needed examining.

Rumination isn't always a thinking problem.

Sometimes it's a signal that the question you're consciously asking isn't the real one.

That's what coaching creates space for.

Not quick answers.

The right questions that lead to better answers.

With over 20 years coaching senior women in STEM, I've sat with this kind of 'stuck feeling' in clients more times than I can count.

Last month, a client got promoted to SVP after 8 months of coaching.

The invisible shift from day to day execution to strategic thinking made all the difference.

Want perspectives like this weekly?

Subscribe to my newsletter for insights on navigating senior leadership in STEM on the front page of this website.

Or if you're ready to talk, email me at suzanne@doylemorris.com for a complimentary chemistry call.