When Your Boss Won't Listen: How To Lead With Influence When You've Hit A Wall.
When The Platform Is Burning And No One Will Listen
This isn't a story with a tidy ending.
It's a story about a woman who couldn't change her boss — and what she chose to do instead.
About the kind of leadership that doesn't always get recognised.
That's because it happens quietly, in the margins.
For people who'll never fully know how hard someone fought for them.
Ever been in a situation where you could see the problem clearly and couldn't get the people above you to take it seriously?
If so, I think you'll find something of yourself in Araminta.
A Leader Who Cared About What She Was Leaving Behind
Araminta was the only woman at her tech senior leadership table.
She was also preparing to retire after years of building a team she was genuinely proud of.
Talented, capable people who deserved to go far.
People she'd invested in quietly and consistently when no one else was paying as much attention.
Her team didn't know she was leaving yet.
But her boss Miles did.
And he wasn't engaging with what needed to happen before she went.
Every time she raised her concerns, he moved the conversation elsewhere.
Not cruelly.
Just away from her concerns.
After all, she wasn't leaving for several months, right?
"To him my platform is only smouldering," she told me.
"But ignoring it won't put out the fire."
She was right.
And knowing she was right, while watching him look away, was its own particular kind of exhausting.
What Happens When You Keep Hitting The Same Wall
Araminta came to coaching wanting to convince Miles.
She had everything she needed to make the case.
Arguments.
Evidence.
A track record that commanded respect everywhere except, apparently, in that specific room.
This is one of the most draining dynamics I hear from senior women.
You can see the problem.
You know the solution.
And you keep walking into the same wall.
The instinct — completely understandable — is to try harder.
Prepare more thoroughly.
Find the argument that finally lands.
But when your boss won't listen, more evidence rarely helps.
It can actually entrench things further.
After all, he's already made up his mind about the urgency.
Another well-prepared case won't shift that any further.
Prepare more.
Make the case more comprehensively.
But when your boss won't listen, more evidence rarely helps.
It often entrenches the dynamic further.
What Changed Everything
Through our sessions, Araminta tried a different approach entirely.
Instead of arriving with conclusions, she started asking questions.
Ones that invited Miles to discover the problem himself.
Rather than receive her analysis of it.
It felt deeply counterintuitive.
Why ask questions when you know what needs doing?
But the shift worked.
Miles began scheduling time to talk about the transition.
He started to see her departure not as an inconvenience — but as a genuine opportunity to restructure what came next.
It wasn't everything Araminta had hoped for.
She'd always half-expected it wouldn't be.
But it was real movement where there had been none.
Doing What She Could, For The People Who Needed Her
Araminta didn't wait for Miles to fully deliver what she knew her team deserved.
She went directly to other senior stakeholders — carefully, deliberately.
Making sure they knew her team.
Understood their capabilities.
Would advocate for them after she'd gone.
She sat with her team and was honest about the challenges ahead.
They'd already sensed something was coming.
Hearing it from her — clearly, warmly, without false reassurance — mattered more than she'd anticipated.
Over the following months, one woman on her team was actually promoted.
Not everyone got what they deserved.
Araminta carries that.
Probably always will.
But she left them in a better place than when she'd arrived.
Not as good as she'd wanted.
But it was genuinely, meaningfully better.
She made peace with that.
Honestly, if not easily.
What This Story Is Really About
With 20 years coaching senior women in STEM, I've sat with this kind of situation more times than I can count.
Where the system isn't working and the person trying hardest to fix it has the least formal power to change it.
A client recently told me: "I finally feel like I'm leading, not just managing up."
She'd been at VP level for eight months.
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Welcome to my Blog
I'm Dr Suzanne Doyle‑Morris and I support professional women working in STEM.
Whether you’re seeking your next promotion, aiming for leadership, or simply looking to make your mark, this blog is created for you.
It's written for the ambitious woman in STEM ready to advance and succeed on her own terms.
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The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook
Your roadmap to advancement with balance
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook is a practical, evidence-based guide designed for ambitious women in STEM who want to advance their careers without burning out. Drawing on over 25 years of coaching and research, I outline five strategic steps that help women move from being overworked and under recognised to confident, visible leaders.
