How Do You Want to Remember This Painful Moment?
What Would Your Older, Wiser Self Want You to Remember About This Moment?
Stella sat across from me, exhausted.
We normally talked about her role as a senior executive in a FinTech.
But her teenage daughter Sarah was going through her first heartbreak.
And it was on her mind.
Sarah's crying. The questioning.
The replaying of every conversation.
As a mother and a senior leader, Stella was carrying it all.
The Question That Changed Everything
I remembered how that in our Peak Resilience Accelerator group, a programme I run for internal teams, Stella shared how one question had shifted everything for her.
It asks: How would your older, wiser self want to look back on this challenging moment?
So I asked it again of her in our session.
I noticed her whole demeanour soften when she talked about being present for Sarah.
I reflected back what I heard:
"Being there in a way she'll value decades from now—that's what matters most to you?"
Stella went quiet.
Then she saw it: "I want Sarah to remember that we got through this together. That years from now, she'll see how much better off she is because of what she learnt from her first heartbreak."
From Rescuing to Teaching Resilience
Stella realised she could coach her daughter the same way I coach her.
Not giving advice. Not rescuing.
Asking questions could help Sarah access her own wisdom.
Instead of telling Sarah what to learn from the heartbreak, Stella could be asking her distraught daughter: "What would you want to remember about this when you're older? What are you learning that will serve you?"
We learned later in the group how that shift—from 'fixing' and sympathising to navigating together—changed their conversations completely.
AI Can't Do This
AI can give you parenting strategies for teenage heartbreak.
It can't cultivate the space where you admit you're exhausted by your daughter's pain.
It can't stay present whilst you sit with the discomfort of not fixing it immediately.
Coaching creates room for those realisations.
The question I asked Stella wasn't from a template—it emerged from actively listening to what mattered most to her.
The Impact Spreads
What struck me most was watching the other women in our group as we talked this through.
As Stella shared, heads nodded.
Energy shifted.
Several women immediately saw how this tool could help them navigate their own challenges.
With 25 years coaching senior women in STEM, I've seen repeatedly how women leaders need tools that transfer across work and life.
Teaching resilience—whether to your team, your daughter, or yourself—requires the same capacity: staying present whilst others work through uncertainty, rather than fixing it for them.
Ready to build resilience that transfers across your full life?
Email me at suzanne@doylemorris.com for a complimentary chemistry call.
We'll explore your biggest challenge and whether a 12-month coaching partnership makes sense for you.
Most of my clients are employer-funded.
Yes, your company will likely pay for this and I can help you through that goal.
Learn more: www.suzannedoylemorris.com
About Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris
Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris is an ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC) with a PhD from the University of Cambridge focusing on women in Engineering.
For 25 years, she's coached accomplished women in STEM as they advance to senior leadership.
She's the author of three books: "Beyond the Boys' Club: Strategies for Achieving Career Success as a Woman Working in a Male Dominated Field," "The Con Job: Getting Ahead for Competence in a World Obsessed with Confidence," and "Female Breadwinners: How They Make Relationships Work and Why they are Future of the Modern Workforce."
80% of her clients secure promotions or stretch roles within 12 months.
Not because she gives advice, but because she asks the right questions.
Welcome to my Blog
I'm Dr Suzanne Doyle‑Morris and I support professional women working in STEM.
Whether you’re seeking your next promotion, aiming for leadership, or simply looking to make your mark, this blog is created for you.
It's written for the ambitious woman in STEM ready to advance and succeed on her own terms.
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The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook
Your roadmap to advancement with balance
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook is a practical, evidence-based guide designed for ambitious women in STEM who want to advance their careers without burning out. Drawing on over 25 years of coaching and research, I outline five strategic steps that help women move from being overworked and under recognised to confident, visible leaders.
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