She Said 'Should' Three Times in One Minute
The Weight of One Word
Do you tell yourself you "should" have it figured out by now?
Carla was a senior manager in tech.
She'd just been asked to lead a high-profile project.
A huge opportunity.
One she was uniquely qualified for.
But she felt the weight of it.
The Pattern I Heard Immediately
I asked what she wanted to focus on.
She said, "I just need a plan for this massive project."
Within the first minute, I heard her say "should" three times.
"I should have made more progress."
"I should already know what the team needs."
"I should have been able to map this out faster."
I gently paused her: "Carla, I keep hearing the word 'should.' What does that word mean to you?"
She laughed, almost apologetically.
She answered: "There's just a lot to do!"
When One Word Changes Everything
I reassured her.
Yes, she had a lot to do.
But words matter.
Especially the ones we say to ourselves.
"What would happen," I asked, "if you changed 'should' to 'could'?"
She looked puzzled.
So I explained. 'Should' carries judgment.
Pressure.
Expectation.
Self-criticism.
'Could' is a possibility.
It invites choice.
She paused.
Then tried it herself.
The Shift That Lightened the Load
"If I say I could map out the next stage… it already feels lighter," she said slowly.
She leaned back in her seat.
"It's like I have options now. Not obligations."
We tried "I want to" as well.
That's when she smiled.
"That's even better. No one's forcing me. I do want to lead this project!"
What She Realized About Pressure
Carla saw something crucial.
The pressure didn't come from her team or stakeholders.
It came from how she was talking to herself.
They weren't demanding perfection.
They were asking for her perspective.
Her leadership.
"They just want a direction," she said.
"A starting point. Like a Minimal Viable Product, not a finished solution."
The weight she'd been carrying?
It wasn't real. It was a story she'd been telling herself.
It was an assumption and a belief that we challenged... and Carla was better off for doing it with me.
Ready to Reframe Your Own Pressure?
Email me at suzanne@doylemorris.com for a complimentary chemistry call.
We'll explore your biggest challenge and whether a 12-month coaching partnership makes sense for you.
Most of my clients are employer-funded.
Yes, your company will likely pay for this and I can help you through that goal.
Learn more: www.suzannedoylemorris.com
About Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris
Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris is an ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC) with a PhD from the University of Cambridge focusing on women in Engineering.
For 25 years, she's coached accomplished women in STEM as they advance to senior leadership.
She's the author of three books: "Beyond the Boys' Club: Strategies for Achieving Career Success as a Woman Working in a Male Dominated Field," "The Con Job: Getting Ahead for Competence in a World Obsessed with Confidence," and "Female Breadwinners: How They Make Relationships Work and Why they are Future of the Modern Workforce."
80% of her clients secure promotions or stretch roles within 12 months.
Not because she gives advice, but because she asks the right questions.
Welcome to my Blog
I'm Dr Suzanne Doyle‑Morris and I support professional women working in STEM.
Whether you’re seeking your next promotion, aiming for leadership, or simply looking to make your mark, this blog is created for you.
It's written for the ambitious woman in STEM ready to advance and succeed on her own terms.
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The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook
Your roadmap to advancement with balance
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook is a practical, evidence-based guide designed for ambitious women in STEM who want to advance their careers without burning out. Drawing on over 25 years of coaching and research, I outline five strategic steps that help women move from being overworked and under recognised to confident, visible leaders.
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