When One Word Keeps Making You Angrier
The Word That Made Everything Worse
Gina was furious about an email from a client who was withholding payment.
He was threatening to "ruin" her reputation in the industry.
She kept using the word "triggered" as we talked it through.
"I'm so triggered by this."
"It's really triggering."
I noticed something: the word itself seemed to inflict greater anger in her every time she used it.
This was a serious situation—a complete change from the feedback she normally received from happy clients.
But reframing difficult situations can start with the language we use.
What If You Used Different Words?
I asked what words or phrases, other than "triggering," she could use to describe the situation.
Gina relaxed into the question to reflect on the situation's origin.
The client hadn't received the "miraculous" but unrealistic benefits he'd anticipated.
As we talked, she could see how many of his own decisions prevented the wins he wanted.
He hadn't used the product as advised.
He'd ignored her other suggestions.
A colleague had warned her he had a bad reputation in the industry—one she thought she could work around when first agreeing to work with him.
Sound familiar?
The Shift That Calmed Her Down
Gina had responded to him with an entire list of all the steps she'd taken to ensure the product worked.
She'd then offered to meet face to face.
Surprisingly, he backed down.
Her bill got paid.
As she calmed down, Gina remarked: "Rather than thinking of him as 'triggering' to me, I can just remind myself that some people are just idiots!"
She continued: "It's a good reminder to avoid him or people who have a difficult reputation in the first place."
What She Saw With Distance
I reflected back what I was hearing: by focusing on empathy for him—a skill we'd been honing in order to relieve her stress —she realised he was under inordinate pressure to make his own services 'ground-breaking'.
Gina reflected: "It's a good reminder that most of the time, people's upset has very little to do with me. It's far more about what's going on for them—at home or at work."
She paused. "It's taken me a good long time to remind myself of that, but now I'll act on it."
Ready to to reframe difficult situations with less effort and more clarity?
Email me at suzanne@doylemorris.com for a complimentary chemistry call.
We'll explore your biggest challenge and whether a 12-month coaching partnership makes sense for you.
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Yes, your company will likely pay for this and I can help you through that goal.
Learn more: www.suzannedoylemorris.com
About Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris
Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris is an ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC) with a PhD from the University of Cambridge focusing on women in Engineering.
For 25 years, she's coached accomplished women in STEM as they advance to senior leadership.
She's the author of three books: "Beyond the Boys' Club: Strategies for Achieving Career Success as a Woman Working in a Male Dominated Field," "The Con Job: Getting Ahead for Competence in a World Obsessed with Confidence," and "Female Breadwinners: How They Make Relationships Work and Why they are Future of the Modern Workforce."
80% of her clients secure promotions or stretch roles within 12 months.
Not because she gives advice, but because she asks the right questions.
Welcome to my Blog
I'm Dr Suzanne Doyle‑Morris and I support professional women working in STEM.
Whether you’re seeking your next promotion, aiming for leadership, or simply looking to make your mark, this blog is created for you.
It's written for the ambitious woman in STEM ready to advance and succeed on her own terms.
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Your roadmap to advancement with balance
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook is a practical, evidence-based guide designed for ambitious women in STEM who want to advance their careers without burning out. Drawing on over 25 years of coaching and research, I outline five strategic steps that help women move from being overworked and under recognised to confident, visible leaders.
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