His Praise Never Came. So She Changed Her Strategy.
When Your Boss Never Gives Praise
Ever waste energy waiting for recognition that never comes?
Amandla did.
Nearly 20 years with the same leader.
He rarely gave praise despite her team turning huge projects around.
When she asked for feedback, he sniped: "You get a paycheck, don't you?"
The Question That Shifted Everything
She realized her boss would never be pleased.
Time to leave? Not quite.
She loved the work and the team.
So I asked: "Who else do you know who has an energy you admire? Where else could you get support?"
She rattled off three names immediately.
The Metaphor That Stuck
A keen gardener, Amandla called these colleagues and activities her "nutrients."
Her boss drained her soil.
But she could get nutrients elsewhere.
Does this sound familiar?
Amandly increased her jazz dance classes to twice weekly. Another nutrient source.
She could increase lunches with feel-good colleagues to twice a week, rather than twice a month. Another nutrient source.
She could reach out to a former mentee of hers, with whom she'd kept in touch. Another nutrient source.
The Unexpected Discovery
When she eventually gave notice, in a succession planning meeting, her boss dismissed every replacement candidate.
He said: "That guy would completely suck at replacing Amandla."
Another name came up. "She'd suck even more."
Amandla laughed in recognition: "After 17 years, I'm the least worst option for him."
Then she realized: her boss actually valued her.
He'd just never told Amanda.
That was his version of praise.
Now it was too late, but made Amandla recognise the nutrient she needed in any new role.
In fact, she was leaving for an unadvertised job that came up only when she'd put more effort into finding other 'nutrients' through others.
Funny how well 'feeding yourself' works?
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About Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris
Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris is an ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC) with a PhD from the University of Cambridge focusing on women in Engineering.
For 25 years, she's coached accomplished women in STEM as they advance to senior leadership.
She's the author of three books: "Beyond the Boys' Club: Strategies for Achieving Career Success as a Woman Working in a Male Dominated Field," "The Con Job: Getting Ahead for Competence in a World Obsessed with Confidence," and "Female Breadwinners: How They Make Relationships Work and Why they are Future of the Modern Workforce."
80% of her clients secure promotions or stretch roles within 12 months.
Not because she gives advice, but because she asks the right questions.
Welcome to my Blog
I'm Dr Suzanne Doyle‑Morris and I support professional women working in STEM.
Whether you’re seeking your next promotion, aiming for leadership, or simply looking to make your mark, this blog is created for you.
It's written for the ambitious woman in STEM ready to advance and succeed on her own terms.
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The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook
Your roadmap to advancement with balance
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook is a practical, evidence-based guide designed for ambitious women in STEM who want to advance their careers without burning out. Drawing on over 25 years of coaching and research, I outline five strategic steps that help women move from being overworked and under recognised to confident, visible leaders.
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