Louise was the unofficial 'birthday person' at her tech firm.

Everyone loved her, but no one praised her efforts.

Joint card, bottle of bubbly, flowers, a special cake.

Sometimes even paid from her own pocket.

Then one morning, a colleague took his birthday off - without warning Louise or anyone in the office.

No warning. No apology.

Louise was furious.

"But he knows how much effort I put into everyone's birthday!"

Here's the question nobody was asking: Why was Louise organizing everyone's birthdays in the first place?

If you're tuned into others' feelings, and genuinely want to help, you might be operating as a 'Pleaser'.

Pleasers seem wonderful on the surface.

Empathic. Generous with time and effort.

Always available to help.

But underneath?

They're exhausted. Resentful.

Wondering why nobody seems to care about them the way they care about everyone else.

Sound familiar?

Flight attendants say it every time: Put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.

Pleasers hear this advice and think: "But that's selfish!"

No. It's strategic.

When you're depleted, your help becomes resentful.

You give from obligation, not generosity.

You silently keep score.

You feel taken advantage of even when nobody asked for your help.

Asserting boundaries isn't about becoming selfish.

It's about helping from overflow rather than depletion.

Louise reflected: "If I say no to organizing someone's birthday, what am I saying yes to?"

This reframe changed everything for her.

Every 'no' is a 'yes' to something else:

• No to planning everyone's birthdays = Yes to your own project priorities

• No to staying late to help again = Yes to dinner with your family

• No to being everyone's go-to person = Yes to others developing their own capabilities

When you say no, you're not rejecting people.

You're making space for what actually matters.

And here's what Pleasers rarely consider: Constantly rescuing people prevents them from learning to help themselves.

For Pleasers, receiving feels uncomfortable. Almost selfish.

Like you should immediately "outdo" someone by giving back even more.

But here's your reminder: A great gift you can give others is the ability to give to you.

Let that colleague bring coffee sometimes.

Let your team member lead the meeting.

Let someone else organize the birthday celebration.

Not because you can't do it.

Because giving others the opportunity to contribute helps them grow.

Asserting boundaries doesn't mean becoming cold or unhelpful.

It means helping from choice, not compulsion.

Try this this week:

Pick one small thing you always do for others.

Let someone else handle it.

Notice what doesn't happen (spoiler: catastrophe doesn't strike).

Notice what energy you reclaim.

Want support establishing healthier boundaries without guilt?

Email me at suzanne@doylemorris.com for a complimentary chemistry call.

We'll discuss your biggest workplace challenge and whether a 12-month coaching partnership makes sense for you.

Most of my clients are employer-funded!

Yes, your company will likely pay for this and I CAN help you get there.

Dr. Suzanne Doyle-Morris is an ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC) with a PhD from the University of Cambridge focusing on women in Engineering.

For 25 years, she's coached accomplished women in STEM as they advance to senior leadership.

She's the author of three books: "Beyond the Boys' Club: Strategies for Achieve Career Success as a Woman Working in a Male Dominated Field," "The Con Job: Getting Ahead for Competence in a World Obsessed with Confidence," and "Female Breadwinners: How They Make Relationships Work and Why they are Future of the Modern Workforce."

80% of her clients secure promotions or stretch roles within 12 months.

Not because she gives advice, but because she asks the right questions.