When Grief Hits During a Career Transition: How to Lead When You Have Nothing Left
The Promotion Arrived. So Did the Loss.
Nadia had worked at her tech firm for a long time.
She was known. She was trusted.
And she had just been promoted into a role she had genuinely earned.
Even more? It was at a level where a great deal would be expected of her and she'd been excited to reach it.
A few months in, she lost her beloved partner, Rosa.
Suddenly. From an illness no one had seen coming.
What No One Could See
From the outside, nothing was visible.
Her colleagues said so, warmly and specifically.
"We knew what Rosa meant to you. But to outsiders, you wouldn't know anything has shifted for you."
They meant it as a compliment.
Nadia received it as a weight.
Because she knew what it was costing her to look that way.
She wasn't sleeping. And even worse?
Her concentration and patience, particularly with colleagues who still had their own versions of Rosa, was not what it had been.
Sitting with people who were intact in a way she no longer was.
Performing alongside them as if she was whole too.
And underneath all of it brewed a quiet, relentless pressure she was generating entirely herself.
Not because the organisation was demanding it.
But because she was.
Nadia had always held herself to a high standard.
Even in moments when no one would even notice if she didn't.
Now, in the most demanding season of her professional life, she was doing the same.
Expecting 110%.
From a version of herself that had lost something irreplaceable.
The Word that Changed the Session
She came to our session specifically wanting to talk about the new role.
Nothing about her loss.
She didn't see it as relevant to who she 'should' be.
Specifically, about how to make sure she was operating at the level people would expect.
How to act senior enough.
How to deliver what she knew would be required.
As we talked, I asked what a more compassionate view, the type Rosa would have given her, might allow her to see.
She was quiet for a moment.
Then she said it — not as a conclusion she'd reasoned her way to, but as something that arrived:
"I have to remember, they promoted me for my strategic brain. Not my doing the actual detailed work."
She said it with a slow sigh of relief.
Not triumph. Not resolve. Just relief.
She had been trying to respond to everything as fast as she always had.
As if speed would prove she still deserved to be there.
But the promotion hadn't been for her speed.
It had been for her long history of sound judgment.
And judgment, careful, considered, strategic judgment didn't require her to always be at her 110%.
In fact, she knew this to be particularly true of those who already knew the answers to most of the questions they asked her!
That was a very different, and reassuringly, a much simpler, ask.
Perfect for the energy levels she had now.
Where She is Now
Nadia didn't stop being hard on herself overnight.
She still catches herself feeling like she needs to provide an immediate response to the technical questions.
But she catches it earlier.
She is one of the most capable people I have worked with.
And she is learning slowly, in the way real things are learned.
Her greatest lesson?
That capability and self-forgiveness are not in competition.
Understandably, she is carrying a great deal.
And we make space for Rosa in our sessions when a memory of her helps move Nadia on.
She is also, still, extraordinary at her job!
And getting better, by being easier on herself, ever day.
With 20 years coaching senior women in STEM, I have sat with this particular kind of exhaustion many times.
The professional expectation doesn't pause for personal loss.
And yet the women who navigate it with the most grace are rarely the ones who push hardest through it.
80% of my clients achieve promotion or significant career advancement within 12 months.
Want perspectives like this weekly? Subscribe to my newsletter for insights on navigating senior leadership in STEM on the front page of this website.
Welcome to my Blog
I'm Dr Suzanne Doyle‑Morris and I support professional women working in STEM.
Whether you’re seeking your next promotion, aiming for leadership, or simply looking to make your mark, this blog is created for you.
It's written for the ambitious woman in STEM ready to advance and succeed on her own terms.
Blog Categories
FREE GUIDE
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook
Your roadmap to advancement with balance.
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook is a practical, evidence-based guide.
It's designed solely for ambitious women in STEM who want to advance their careers without burning out.
Drawing on over 25 years of coaching, research and consultancy, I outline five strategic steps that help women move from being overworked and under-recognised to confident, visible leaders.
Latest on the blog
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook
Your roadmap to advancement with balance
The Women in Tech Promotion Playbook is a practical, evidence-based guide designed for ambitious women in STEM who want to advance their careers without burning out. Drawing on over 25 years of coaching and research, I outline five strategic steps that help women move from being overworked and under recognised to confident, visible leaders.
